"How can I explain when there are few words I can choose" --Erasure

Well, it is November 30th. The end of NaBloPoMo. And we've been through 30 posts in 30 days together. Freaky.

I pondered how to end this. What would continue the thrust of this month? How could I nail the right sentiment on such an auspicious occasion? I searched long and hard for the right tone. Something that expressed the right depth and feeling.

Here's what I found:


Hope I'm not over-intellectualizing.



P.S. Want more? Try "unfortunate place names".

P.P.S. h/t to Tewkesbury for her recent related post.

P.P.P.S. Thanks for your encouragement along the NaBloPoMo way. I'm totally naming my first born after you. Or eating a Hershey's Kiss (with Almond!) in your honor. One or the other. Definitely.

Loss

Hi. I just got word that someone I love has died. My words could not express the breadth of her life and I am not in a position to write more than this today. So, I'm going to re-post something I wrote on death in 2007. It'll have to do. And despite my words from 2007, I'm not angry, just very sad.

29 August 2007

People Die/I Saw KN Today

People die.

Intellectually I know this. Emotionally I don't want to deal with it. But I do. I get angry. If they die suddenly and unexpectedly, like a colleague did this month at age 37, it pisses me off that I had no warning and no opportunity for closure and no explanation of why this person is suddenly gone. If they die slowly, like my boss' father who yesterday began hospice, it pisses me off that he's going to suffer and by extension my boss is going to suffer watching him suffer until he dies. As the minister said in The Big Chill "It makes me angry and I don't know what to do with my anger."

Meanwhile, I am attending a conference today and I saw someone standing with her back to me talking to someone else and I looked at the way she had her feet planted and I thought instantly that's KN. Who is KN? She's someone who used to work at my work site but hasn't been working on-site in years. I had no real connection to KN. She was high up in the hierarchy and me, I'm pretty low down in the hierarchy. We'd been introduced a couple times but I don't think we ever even worked on anything together, just found ourselves in the room at the same time and did the polite thing of introductions. I know very little about KN and don't spend any time thinking of her.

Sure enough, she turned around and it was her.

I say all this because I recognized her from the back by the way she placed her feet, and it wasn't like she was in a tree pose or anything. No one would say "Gee, look how she's standing; isn't that odd." It was just a very minor detail but it was distinguishing. And it occurred to me that if my brain stores how KN stands, such an inconsequential thing and person in my life, then how many millions of little things trigger us about the people we actually love? Is it any wonder that we can't bear the pain of separation?

I've lost a good friend this year and had some sobering news and close calls with other loved ones. I'm angry and I'm sad and it doesn't change anything.

But at least I have a place to express it. Thanks for reading. I promise to talk about something bright and chipper and completely trivial next.

"We can't go on together with suspicious minds" --Elvis Presley

A few things on cheating...

A pointed commentary:

[Yow!]

A joke:

A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day, their passions overcame them and they took off for her house, where they made passionate love all afternoon. Exhausted from the wild sex, they fell asleep, awakening around 8:00 pm. As the man threw on his clothes, he told the woman to take his shoes outside and rub them through the grass and dirt. Mystified, she nonetheless complied. He slipped into his shoes and drove home.

"Where have you been?" demanded his wife when he entered the house.

"Darling, I can't lie to you. I've been having an affair with my secretary and we've been having sex all afternoon. I fell asleep and didn't wake up until eight o'clock."

The wife glanced down at his shoes and said, "You lying bastard! You've been playing golf!"


And a true story:

Note: The following happened in the era before everyone carried a cell phone.

Many years ago, I got a call, quite out of the blue, from a woman I'd been friends with when we were young. At the time, we hadn't been in touch in a few years, so I was pleased to hear her voice. Well, pleased, right up until the time she got down to why she was calling me.

She had told her husband she was hanging out with me that evening. In reality, she was meeting up with her first boyfriend. Would I cover for her if he called? She'd left my number with her husband, she explained, and could she leave a number for where she'd be so I could alert her if he called?

Ick.

I didn't appreciate the position she was putting me in. I'm not a fan of infidelity. Further, I'd met both men and there was absolutely no reason for her to revisit the old boyfriend for any purpose.

Still, put on the spot, I agreed to cover for her. I wasn't happy about it, which came across, but I didn't say no. Not sure why. Maybe some part of me still wanted the friendship.

I spent a nervous evening, wondering what I'd say if her husband called. He never did and I never heard from this woman again.

Which brings us to the question du jour: Would you cover for a cheating friend?* Would you expect a friend to cover for you?



* No worries, I will not be asking you for this service.

"A change would do you good" --Sheryl Crow

We wind up out of pocket a little longer than anticipated,* and while we are away, we spend some time with some aging relatives and see how their lives are changing, shrinking, getting much harder. Want some perspective? Spend some time with people that are up in years. Your troubles will float away.

We stop for lunch and we put down two twenties on a $27 tab. The waitress comes and asks us, "Do you need change?"

"Yes, please."

Because, if we're going to leave a large tip, it's going to be our idea, not theirs. While she is getting our change, we talk about her question. Is it a reasonable question? I point out that I don't think the woman that picked up the check is the same woman that laid down the check so this woman doesn't even know how much the check is when she asks her question.

"So, you're not offended?"

"No. I could be. But I don't want to be. It was a decent meal and okay service. Let's assume the best."

We leave a healthy tip and head out, trying to simply be appreciative for what we have and not look for reasons to get insulted. (There are so many, aren't there?)

Which brings us to the question of the day: Is asking "Do you want change?" ever a reasonable question? Should she have just brought change and not asked?



* And yet I still manage to post. How can that be? Some sort of voodoo interwebs magic, I guess. OOOoooOOOoooo.

"For everything you've done, you know I'm bound, I'm bound to thank you for it..." --Natalie Merchant

Hi. Happy Thanksgiving. Yes, even as you are reading this, I am thinking about you. You wonderful you. Thanks for stopping by. Here's a few thoughts that may help you through the holidays...

The holidays can be full of ridiculous rules. Break at least one rule. With impunity.


But be cool. Don't let it turn into a blood bath.
Better to keep it on the down low, right?
Remember to spend time with the folks that bring you the most joy.


And, absolutely, save room for dessert.


Slow down long enough to appreciate those that aren't as gadget-savvy as you.


And know that you are perfect just as you are.